How to Support Your Team Without Absorbing Their Stress
Jan 25, 2026
You Don’t Have to Carry Other People’s Emotions to Be a Good Leader
Many leaders quietly believe this:
If I care, I have to carry it.
Their team’s frustration.
Their grief.
Their anger.
Their disappointment.
And over time, that belief becomes exhausting.
If you’ve ever walked away from a conversation feeling heavier than when it began, this episode challenges a deeply ingrained assumption about empathy and leadership. Being supportive does not require self-sacrifice. And in fact, when leaders learn how to stay present without absorbing everything, everyone benefits.
When Emotions Spread Through a Team
Have you noticed how quickly emotions ripple through a workplace?
One person vents about a change.
Another piles on.
Suddenly an entire shift is upset.
This happens because humans are wired for connection. When someone shares their experience, especially with emotion, others feel it too. For empathetic leaders, this can feel almost automatic. You listen. You care. And before you know it, your nervous system is carrying the emotional tone of the room.
Because without self-regulation, empathy quickly turns into overwhelm.
Mirror Neurons and the Empathy Trap
Our brains have something really cool called mirror neurons. They allow us to feel what others are feeling. It’s why you tear up during a sad movie. It's why someone else’s anger tightens your chest. It's why grief and fear can seem contagious.
Your ability to feel what others are feeling is a good thing! It can help you build psychological safety on your team and respond to subtle cues when your communication is adding to people's stress.
But this special skill of feeling what others are feeling can become a trap if you don't consciously recognize which emotions belong to which person.
Your brain does not automatically know the difference between emotions you are witnessing in others and emotions that belong to you. So when a team member vents, your nervous system can react as if the problem is happening to you.
That’s how caring leaders burn out.
Why “Just Stick to the Facts” Doesn’t Work
Some leaders respond to emotional stress by shutting down. They tell themselves to stick to the facts. To keep emotional distance. To be professional.
That can work temporarily, such as during a crisis. But emotions are "energy in motion" and if you continue to hold everything inside and focus on intellect alone, the emotional energy will come out in other ways.
For leaders who genuinely want their teams to feel safe and authentic, emotional detachment isn’t sustainable. It creates distance. And it often feels inauthentic and unsafe to others, because their nervous systems can sense when you're hiding something.
Some assume (or worse, are told by their mentors) that leadership equals self-sacrifice. That being drained is just the cost of caring.
This is not true!
A Leader on the Brink
I once coached a senior healthcare leader who was on the verge of quitting. Let’s call her Stephanie.
Others viewed her as being well respected. Effective. Deeply committed. But on the inside she was completely exhausted.
When Stephanie came to me for leadership coaching, two of her employees were locked in ongoing conflict. Each came to her separately to vent about the other.
Each time, she found herself emotionally siding with whoever she had just spoken to. She felt their anger. Their sadness. Their frustration.
By the time she tried to resolve the conflict, she felt torn, judgmental, and overwhelmed. She believed she was failing as a leader.
The issue wasn’t her competence.
It was that she had no way to protect her energy while listening to others.
Be a Bowl, Not a Sponge
Here’s the simple, visualization-based exercise I taught Stephanie. It's shared in this episode and will help you stay grounded as a compassionate leader, so you can support your team without absorbing their stress.
Be a Bowl, Not a Sponge: 5 Steps
- Imagine a bowl you love.
Picture yourself holding a beautiful bowl in your lap: one that you enjoy looking at or is meaningful to you. (Glass works best because it doesn’t absorb what’s poured into it.) - Make it big.
In your mind’s eye, make the bowl so large that it fills your lap. This helps your nervous system stay open and grounded during emotionally charged conversations. - Let their words pour into the bowl.
As the other person speaks, visualize their emotions, words, and energy flowing into the bowl (instead of into you). - Empty the bowl.
After the conversation, imagine gently pouring the bowl’s contents into a peaceful place, like a stream, garden, or any setting that feels attractive and safe. - Let go with intention.
Take a deep breath and remind yourself that offering support doesn’t have to mean carrying the other person's burden. You are leading with empathy and healthy boundaries, and modeling exactly what your team needs to see.
What Changes When Leaders Do This
Leaders who practice this exercise consistently tell me the same things.
They sleep better.
They feel less exhausted.
They enjoy leadership again.
This does not mean you never feel stress. You still have opinions, reactions, and emotions of your own.
It means empathy no longer drains you.
A Different Way to Think About Empathy
Empathy does not mean taking on someone else’s pain.
It means being present with the person without losing connection with yourself.
If you’ve been burned out from caring too much, this is your reminder: You can lead with compassion and still protect your energy.
Both are possible.
Want More Like This?
If you want practical tools to lead with calm authority without being derailed by drama at work, complete the form below and follow Drama Free Teams. Each episode offers grounded strategies you can use immediately, even in emotionally charged situations.
Ready for Deeper Support?
If you’re a senior leader who wants to stay present, clear, and grounded during difficult conversations, leadership coaching can help you build these skills in real time.
Together, we focus on protecting your energy while strengthening your leadership presence and communication skills, so you can lead effectively without burning out.
You can apply to work with me through a free discovery call.
